I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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