im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
