I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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