I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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