i can't believe i had my finger in that
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
