perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
