Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
