My liver just broke up with me...
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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