I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
