he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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