Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
