Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
