After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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