You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
