I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
