At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
