Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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