his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
