just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
