I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
