"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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