While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
