You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
