can u get pink eye on your cock?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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