so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I need water and some morals
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
