They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
