grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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