I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
