I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
