She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
