Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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