I just made out with a guy for $7.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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