Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
