Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
