guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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