so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
