I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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