we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
