right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
