I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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