if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
