I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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