I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
