Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I need to stop coming to work sober
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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