So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
