My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
whose parrot is this?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
