just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
