Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
