My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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