I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
