Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
