I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
